Phew! It's been such a hard time for me since my last post on this beloved blog of mine. I've been going through some crazy stuffs in my life which I could really use the term "midlife crisis". I'm so thankful right now for returning to the normal me. *cheer cheer*
It all started a few months, woah it's been a few months already? Anyway, it all started a few months ago when I realized that I'd already used up all my savings. I was going crazy about not having money. I'm a materialistic kind of person although I do try my best hiding it. It ain't pretty and too bad, it's simply who I am. So, I was left alone with no money in my hand. On the bright side, I only have like one long term debt. It made me feel much better than having tons of debts waiting to crash my life. It's a long story which ends in such a depressed way.
I was stressful for a whole month of my youth. Then I felt into depressed and sunk. I found no way out and it literally could kill me somehow. I became grumpy, angry, sad and all kinds of those negative feelings that I'd been trying my best to avoid. I guess sometimes, avoiding just won't work. I had no choice but facing all my problems.
I was late for a week, which is clearly the worst sign. Then, I started to gain the obvious habits that later could lead to eating disorder. I felt tired all the time and eventually, I stopped working out. I caught far too many colds. I wasn't proud of it. Getting sick was once rarely on my daily basis. I tried to get out of my current annoying situation but it wouldn't get any better. I spent every pennies left try shopping out, buying things that I like. I ate my feelings up. I was lost in my own complicated world.
It's the greatest honor to finally recover from those hard times of my youth. I'm still young and I still have tons of stuffs to accomplish. I have far too many plans which become the force that pull me out. When I did start to feel a little better, I slowly return to my normal life.
I started to cook. I made bentos and brought it to work. It's hard to avoid those negative feelings but I did try my best. I'm so proud of myself. I went to the supermarket and tried out new ingredients. Cooking was once my passion. I want it back. Those bentos of mine started to get better along with the time I was fully recover.
I worked out again. I felt so much better getting my body to work. Being in shape is no longer a problem to me now. I love my body, the way it is. Working out is to stay strong and healthy. Oh, I did return to being a partly vegetarian. I avoid eating meat as much as I can. I even replaced cow milk with soy milk. I felt a lot better getting back my diet which later leads to many wonderful things.
I finally started to have my inspired mood back. I lost all my inspirations whenever I felt depressed. Since my inspired mood is back, I manage to spend more time creating a place just for me. I reorganize my bedroom, turn it into my workplace. I shot some shootings for my shop and restart my own work again. I play more games on my Xbox and my laptop. I've been lacking of entertainment for a long time.
Summer is coming to an end. I only traveled once this summer although this is my last summer. Losing all my savings has affected me too harsh. However, on the bright side, I learnt a lot in this summer. I browsed through some courses on Future Learn and asked my aunt to help me enroll on a Speaking class which will start next week.
I'm not sure whether it feels this right when dumping some people. I do feel guilty for returning to normal. They still need my help somehow but this time, I choose to stand out. I don't feel good about this and at the same time, I don't want to go back feeling depressed.
Long story short, it all started with my materialistic trait. It caused me so many troubles. I'd been so good hiding it for years and suddenly, it was exposed. *sign*
I'd better let all these stuffs go. It's so great to be back to normal. This little precious moment is now mine to keep. I'm still looking forward to a much brighter day.
It's gonna rain a lot this week :v
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